Now here I found are the unhealthy ways to deal with grief, they are what I have observed in myself in the past that I have done and achieved only more pain:
Deny that it does not exist. Do not deny the pain, do not let anyone make you feel shamed for wanting to grieve the loss. Do not feel ashamed after being told “I told you so”. We are always learning, we just learn in our own time. If that means walking around in your jammies and crying all day, then so be it. It will pass, all emotions are temporary. I used to feel shamed by my mum when I was still in my pyjamas at 11am!! but I found that if I need to lounge about in one and cry and spew wet tissues all around, that it is okay, because eventually, the emotion passes and I am free to experience other emotions.
Ruminating on thoughts of resentment and anger. Be accountable for your part in the relationship. What parts of you were still unhealed and not dealt with that now needs attention.
Finding someone else or a vice to replace the space that has been left in the wake of the end of the relationship. Trying to look for love somewhere else to replace what you had serves no purpose but to repeat the pattern all over again. This is a call for you to spend time with yourself. I used to be one to jump into a relationship before one has even finished, because I was searching for that high feeling, that anxious, butterfly in the stomach feeling. This is never a stable and secure place to start a relationship. It also does not give you time to properly grieve the end of one relationship before you start a next one.
Escapism – are you running away from the work that you need to do? Is it a distraction? I found myself trying to run away and irrationally spending money to go away somewhere, anywhere away from where I was at that moment. However, even if the layout of the lands change, I still feel shit, I still feel the pain and I’m left with a credit card bill to pay, work that I still need to do (whether that is inner work or actual work) that makes me feel annoyed at myself for not having the time to do so. Instead, stay still, stay with yourself and focus that flight response to something more constructive, like journalling or creating something that makes you smile.
Unconsciously releasing your frustration to the people that are closest to you or into another situation. My son and my mum unfortunately are the closest people to me that can be my trigger. Learning to appreciate them and recognising where my frustrations were coming from makes life for a better living.
Catastrophising – Love will come around again, love is our birth right. Build that love within you first and love will come back around. There is no lack, there is only opening up to the abundance.
That is it folks! Those are my handy tips based on my own experience. Visit my Instagram page or my facebook post if you’d like to share some of your own tips.
With grit, gratitude and heart,
Cherlyn
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