Carnival comes back around again! Every year my beautiful friend Suzanne who has the most authentic and loving presence finds herself back to London to play “Abir Dutty Mas”. She is one of my
friends who has such an attractive energy and forms friendship wherever she travels. To you Suzanne, I love you gyal!
Last year was the first time I joined her in this experience, it was an amazing experience! One thing, that is part of playing carnival is to expect that people will dance in forms of “whine” (for those not in the know yet, it is a form of dancing of thrusting and rotating of the pelvic girdle in a rhythmic movement, it’s an absolute skill). There is no malice by it, it’s similar to Kizomba/Bachata where close contact is required. The experience starts from midday and tails all the way to night, as you parade chipping/walking behind Abir Truck back to the original start place. I will always remember my first experience, with my whole body and face covered in paint, feet and legs tired but still going and looking up to the blue sky and thinking, wow! how lucky am I to be able to experience this, celebrating with likeminded people that enjoy it just as much as you do and treat you like you are one of the family, we were all friends in the midst of the crowd.
My own challenge was this – Coming from a place of always wanting to please, placing my worth on how people view me and confusing attention from men as a validation that I must be good. I found myself abandoning my sense of ownership to my own body. I found myself being okay with being lifted up and swung around, without expressing my dislike for this (I am a “smallie”, it is very easy to lift me up). But of course, this was not okay, not to me, though, I was unconscious to this at the time.
We as people are such interesting species, we thrive on touch, touch brings a sense of intimacy and feeling of belonging – hugging is researched to show lessening of stress, instilling the feeling of happiness by releasing oxytocin (www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits). I think we all go to Carnival for different reasons, for most, it’s an annual gathering where friendships are reconnected after a year of not seeing each other, as life gets in the way; some it’s about self-expression and showing up at our most brilliance, working off from our ego; some it’s about feeling connected and filling up on our need for close contact and touch; some it’s about letting our hair down, putting down our guards and shaking our bodies like nobody’s business, to let out steam and stresses, like a reboot for the year. Those are only some of the few reasons on a generalised level, we all have our individual reasons. The main thing which Abirmas carnival encourages is of community vibes, that we are all one, regardless of age, race, colour, social status, it is one big family and no matter how big or crowded it gets, we are all looking out for each other and celebrating together with joy in our hearts.
So, back to me and my challenge! LOL … I love my sounds (as you know), I feel the sounds, the music reverberates through my body and out. It moves my body in rhythm and rejoices with the sounds. My intentions for carnival this time around was to enjoy the music, reconnect friendships, feel everyone’s amazing vibes and protect my own space. After a year of doing work on myself and relearning my boundaries of what I will, will not, can and cannot do, acceptable and unacceptable according to my own values and beliefs. I learnt how much I love my own space, I love to dance and that I do not particularly need a partner to gyrate myself with in order for me to celebrate my feminity and feel my fierce empowerment. In the past, I would seek this attention, it didn’t only apply to carnival, it applied in my socialising where the opposite sex were involved. I was unaware of my pattern and its root cause. Though, I know now that feeling loved or adored doesn’t come from outside of us and rather from deep inside of us. This year I experienced carnival in a much more meaningful way, I danced for myself, I gave my love to myself, felt the music, vibrations of the sounds in my body, closed my eyes and followed how it moved me. I felt a radiation of love that flow out of me and out to everyone. Every eye contact, every smile, every conversation I had with people felt like my love reflecting to me, all in connection by our collective celebration of our precious life. It felt wonderful. At the same time, I was able to exert my boundaries, exercise my communication and my ability to turn down a whine with a gentle no, thank you, have a lovely conversation and a laugh. Most, quickly moved on, some came back a couple more times, just to check that I haven’t changed my mind LOL. It felt good to my soul that I can and choose to be conscious in doing this. I felt that I belonged to myself and I was my inner source. It is a feeling that I want to keep feeling.
Thank you Abirmas for all the wonderful experiences that you give us year in and year out. I encourage everyone to experience Abirmas carnival at least once in their lives, the organisers give all that they can to ensure that the event remains safe and bring much light and joy into our lives. We appreciate all that you do.
With love, play and gratitude,
Cherlyn 😊
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